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“World of Warcraft” Vs. “The Best of Times”
What better way to end my year than by offering up a video for “War of Wordcraft,” which is a parody of my “Best of Times” song.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Read the rest of this entry »
Dreamt I arrived to do a show at a venue I’d never visited before.
I was working with this promoter for the first time, and immediately realized that he was some kind of high school drama teacher. But he was also a priest.
For religious reasons, but also to fill the void left by his presumably failed or abandoned acting career, he was insisting that I add a number of last minute local openers to the bill.
The opening acts included, but were not limited to:
* A physically violent autistic boy who was already onstage rehearsing some kind of Thanksgiving play with a little girl dressed as Pocahontas. I watched in slow motion as the boy had a wild seizure, grabbed the girl by her shoulders and began shaking her and gnashing his teeth in a kind of trance state.
I then watched several club staff tackle the boy and painstakingly pry him off the girl for a number of minutes. When it was finally over the boy was ushered past me in restraints, still rolling his eyes and chomping at the air.
The promoter said: “He does that from time to time, but he’ll be ready again by the time doors open.”
* A nun masturbating with a crucifix on a trapeze. I shit you not.
“Will she just hang there all night?”
“um yeah! we thought it would be nice if she could.”
At this point I start to feel out of control in the dream, and start complaining to the promoter. I start rambling angrily at him, trying to formulate the many reasons and ways I’m uncomfortable with these additions… Just then I notice, appearing from the backstage area:
* A slam poetry team
Here’s the funny part: the slam poetry team is the thing that makes me bolt for the door. I see like 10 of them stumbling onto the stage in matching cardigan sweaters, looking all lost and stupid like a family that can’t organize itself to take a Sears christmas picture.
I fly into a rage so suddenly that I almost fall down. I physically recoil from the stage as if a bomb had just gone off on it and pushed me backwards. I run/stumble out of the venue screaming:
“You’ve got to be kidding! This is too fucking much! No fucking way are we–”
And nearly run into a monkey in a costume riding on the back of a baby elephant. It was baby sized but it’s face looked like an old elephant. Maybe it was just a midget elephant.
“–OH GOOD OF COURSE A FUCKING ELEPHANT!” I push open the door and flood the venue with sunlight.
Happy Holidays to yuh.
I will have a big big announcement about some big big shows in the New Year.
Last night I dreamt I was sitting with Mikey on a public park bench somewhere. I interrupted him as he was talking to me and said,”You know…people think you’re dead.” A flood of sorrow overtook me. I broke down into tears and said, “I thought you were dead.” I patted him on the back to make sure he was really there. He grinned mischievously but there was also a look of shame–as if to admit that he felt bad for pulling this horrible prank on everybody. He stood up, stepped into a bear costume, and then pressed play on a boombox set to slow-motion which made it sound like a bear growl. When I awoke it took a good 30 seconds before I realized that my sense of relief was a hoax of my mind’s own doing. This is the fourth day in a row that I’ve had to remind myself that Mikey is gone.
Unfortunately, tonight’s show in Amsterdam will be the last on this tour for me.
I’ll be unable to join Sage Francis on the remainder of his tour dates this fall, and will be flying home tomorrow to be with my family.
In March of this year, right before I embarked on the most continuous touring schedule I’ve ever attempted, my father was diagnosed with a rare form of germ cell cancer in his lungs. For the past 6 months, he and my family have been undergoing a torturous regiment of chemotherapy, radiation, and various procedures. Nothing’s worked, and the cancer has since spread to his lymph nodes and brain. I received a phone call today from my mother and sister, who informed me that it’s time to come home and say goodbye.
My apologies to the Australian and Switzerland shows. Hopefully you’ll understand and take a rain check.
My thanks to Sage Francis, who’s been a constant friend and my fiercest support in all things. He’s made the opportunity to open for him available to me all year on both of these tours, understanding the risk that I might have to leave to deal with the home situation at any time. It’s meant the world to me to be part of Sage’s final touring year. I wish I could be there to see it through to the end with him… but all the journeys seem to be ending at once these days.
Thanks for understanding. See you on the next go around,
Hello SFR peops!
I was slow to update this blog. Apologies! For more info on what I’ve posted below (plus more) please visit www.SageFrancis.net
Currently, the most important thing I want to bring to your attention is the fact that B. Dolan and I are about to tour the UK, Europe, Australia and New Zealand. Get all the dates and info on this tour at our FB events page by clicking here!
That being said, here are the other major Sage updates you may have missed in the past few months if you were unaware of that site…
To whom it may concern;
I am writing in regard to an air conditioner produced by your company, the Goldstar M8003R.
Sometime last summer the people across the street gave us this air conditioner, which had previously been sitting in their garage. We were talking in their driveway and I mentioned the heat, and that we didn’t have an AC. Then I said I’d probably head out to buy one tonight. Then Rick, who’s from Georgia, started telling me about the one in his garage and insisting I take it.
So Rick takes me into his garage and unveils this AC for me. “Works fine, should cool down your whole house. Only thing is it’s noisy, but if you don’t mind that it’ll do just fine.”
Grateful to be spared the $300 expense, I dismissed his warning. “We shouldn’t mind the noise. Thanks!”
And that’s how your Air Conditioner came to be sitting in my window.
And I am writing to you now, one year later, from within the icy sonic oblivion this object has created in my home. This machine is literally the loudest and most persistent noise I have ever encountered. It is all encompassing. It is a womb of rattling plastic racket.
It cancels all thought and conversation within 20 feet of it.
It causes us to listen to our TV at maximum volume, and then–when it suddenly clicks off–to be assaulted by the loudness of the TV and have to scramble to find the remote and lower it, just so we can enjoy 10 minutes of normal environment before the jet thruster in the window roars to life again, swallowing important bits of dialogue and critical plot points.
We have been forced to basically give up on the TV. Conversation is also useless because the machine has reduced us to agitated gesturing cave people. After you’ve said “WHAT?” to someone 4 times in a row, whatever they were trying to say becomes “FUCK YOU.” So now we’re pretty much left to stare at each other blankly inside the blast chamber that is our 12 x 12 living room, knowing that we are trapped inside this box with your H-Bomb for the next 3 months because outside the temperature is 102, due no doubt in part to global warming and the massive amounts of freon your howling nightmarefuck murder engines have pumped into the atmosphere over the past 30 years. They say if you can’t hear your own pulse you’re deaf. I’m happy to report that at this moment I can hear neither my own pulse nor the sound of myself screaming inside my own mind.
Imagine for a moment the kind of sleep one gets in a house that contains an air conditioner like this. I can only assume it’s identical to what prisoners experience while undergoing sleep deprivation torture. What I’m saying is that your machine is a human rights violation, which you are currently charging $299 for on Amazon.com.
The cat is terrified of it. The dog stands in front of it and barks every time it kicks on. That is, I assume the dog is barking because I see its mouth opening and closing.
Your machine is the Nothing that strives to swallow all things. Your machine is a constant reminder that death is waiting for me and everyone I love. Your machine is absolutely watering secret tumors in my body every single day. Your machine is a retarded orphan that you sent into the world to die slowly and mutilate all beauty in the meantime. Don’t bother sending me a coupon, because I believe you are the source of all suffering on earth. May your children die before you. May a superior model AC drop out of a window and crush your body on the way to your office tomorrow, and may it fall soundlessly through the air on the way to do it’s work.
6/24 – thu Brooklyn @ Bushwick Studios w/ Metermaids & People With Teeth – 8p/$5
6/26 – sat Pittsburgh @ The Fallout Shelter w/ The Fuzz – 8p/$5
6/28 – mon Toledo @ Black Cherry Info Shop w/ Am Rev – EARLY SHOW! 7p/$5
6/29 – tue Detroit @ Division Gallery w/ Bike Tuff – EARLY SHOW! 6:30-9:30p/$5)
6/30 -wed Coumbus @ Thunderpussy Record Shop – EARLY SHOW! 6p/$5
7/1 – thu Bloomington @ Rachael’s Cafe w/ Jet1 – 8p/$5
7/2 – fri St. Louis @ 10 Mile House w/ Phamily Business & Agents of Change
7/3 – sat Chicago @ Locked Out Collective with Agents of Change
7/5 – mon Iowa City @ Public Space 1 with Rolling Blackout
7/6 – tue Minneapolis @ 7th Street w/ Building Better Bombs
7/7 – wed Omaha @ The Hole w/ Idle Minds, Youth & Tear Gas, and Eastern Turkish
7/8 – thu Colorado Springs @ Black Sheep w/ TBA – Early Show! 7:30pm/$5
7/9 – fri Denver @ Summit Music Hall w/ The Pirate Signal
7/10 – sat Salt Lake City @ Utah Arts Alliance w/ Babble Rabbit
7/11 – sun Salt Lake City @ the Green House Effect – Jared Paul Poetry Set!
7/13 – tue Boise @ Red Room
7/14 – wed Spokane @ The Empyrean
7/15 – thu Bellingham, WA @ Plan B w/ Sisturn Moth
7/16 – fri Bainbridge Island @ TBA
7/17 – sat Portland @ Union Hall w/ The Eiger Sanction, Lung Collapser, & Start Fires
7/18 – sun Tacoma @ The New Frontier w/ Revengers
7/20 – tue Bend @ TBA w/ Target For Tomorrow & The Horns of Destruction
7/21 – wed Sacramento @ The Den w/ Aquifer
7/22 – thu South Lake Tahoe @ Whiskey Dicks w/ Aquifer & Fair Weather Sky
7/23 – fri Reno @ Studio On 4th w/ Aquifer & Fair Weather Sky
7/24 – sat Ione @ Clark’s Corner w/ Aquifer
7/25 – sun Stockton @ Plea For Peace Center w/Final Summation & Aquifer
7/27 – tue San Francisco @ Thee Parkside w/ George Watsky & Aquifer
7/28 – wed Santa Cruz @ TBA
7/29 – thu Cuppertino @ Britannia Arms w/ Lucky Loosh & Aquifer
7/30 – fri Long Beach @ Open Books with Aquifer
7/31 – sat Pomona @ TBA
8/1 – sun San Diego @ Kava Lounge w/Aquifer, After School Special & Concrete Project
8/3 – tue Phoenix @ TBA
8/4 – wed Tucson @ Dry River Collective
8/5 – thu El Paso @ Hideaway Lounge with Push Back
8/6 – fri Austin @ Red 7 w/ Blacklisted Individuals
8/7 – sat San Antonio @ TBA
8/8 – sun New Orleans @ TBA
8/10 – tue Gainesville @ TBA
8/11 – wed Orlando @ TBA
8/12 – thu Jacksonville @ TBA
8/13 – fri Charlotte @ The Milestone Club w/ Thought Criminals
More dates added soon!
Full info for all shows available at: