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An email exchange inspired by Next Testament. 5/7/03
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Sage Francis
Self Fighteous


Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21605
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I want stats!

that's all I'm saying.

God doesn't believe in medicine either.

If you have a disease...then God intended it to be that way.

Do you dare...defy...God?

I will tie you to my cock and see if you burn
Post Thu May 08, 2003 3:10 pm
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Jesse



Joined: 02 Jul 2002
Posts: 6166
Location: privileged homeless
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So what you're telling me is you're a natural redhead?
Post Thu May 08, 2003 3:12 pm
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Sage Francis
Self Fighteous


Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21605
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If I rubbed your twig legs together would they cause a brush fire?
Post Thu May 08, 2003 3:25 pm
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infidelone
CAVE TROLL


Joined: 02 Jul 2002
Posts: 2455
Location: King of the Cave Trolls, actually.
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if that fire told you to, would you go tell the pharoahs that you spoke the word of the one true god?

i am not
Post Thu May 08, 2003 5:07 pm
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Lazy Eyed Pea



Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 582
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A plague of locusts...
Post Thu May 08, 2003 5:38 pm
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SneepSnopDotCom
COCKRING WRAITH


Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 3087
Location: Wisconsin
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I hate to break it to you guys... But I'm in very close contact with grandpa G and uhhh, you are both wrong. God got really into the internet (he got online a few thousand years ago, he is advanced) and he doesn't really care anymore about anything real. He is busy creating a new reality out of flash animations... you have until 2012 to change his mind. This is not a joke.
Post Thu May 08, 2003 7:43 pm
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Lazy Eyed Pea



Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 582
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Yeah... humanity might as well have reached its apex recently, anyone going to do anything about it? I know I'll just sit on my ass until apocalypse by which time I'll have learned to live in the moment and won't give a fuck that I never gave a fuck.
Post Thu May 08, 2003 7:59 pm
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joking



Joined: 07 May 2003
Posts: 3
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God sat in the back, Mike, whoever Mike was took shotgun. God is my co-pilot.
“Play that song again, Mikey”
Mike giggled, tapped a keypad on the console to selection 42,456,778, and a sweet voice
Started whispering about ice cream,strings and staccato beats, it was beautiful and familiar.
“who is this?” I asked of Our Lord.
“Bjork, with Radiohead, fuckin angel that one,she is, can’t wait to hear her sing
in the Halls of Asgard”
I frowned. “Asgard?” “but that’s…”
“yea, I Know, Vikings, Thor, Loki either way the place has amazing acoustics,
remember Maria Callas Mike?”
“Definitely, awesome show, you talk to John lately?”
“not since we met George at THE GATES, funny guy that John he insisted we
greet George disguised as Blue Meanies, you’ve never seen such a look of bafflement, I thought he was going to die all over again.”
I couldn’t help but interrupt “are you guys talking about…?
“The Beatles” God and Mike said in pitch perfect harmonious union.
“you’ll meet’em one non-day, still waiting on Paul though”
“just Paul? But Ringo’s not dead.”
God Smiled “Ringo’s an Angel”

We got to the city by the Third fatty and thank God for that those two had me giggling so much I could hardly drive. Pulling right up to front of the club, God exited kicking vodka bottles, handed the doorman a hundred to watch the Mercedes, and we strode in ahead of line. LOUD music pumped throughout. A cocktail waitress brought
Us three grey goose and tonics, low on tonic. Mike excused himself, while God and I
Made our way to the bar.
I was stoned. But not stoned enough to believe everything.
“Whats going on?”
God laughed. “You’re thinking too much, drink up. Gimmie a minute will ya…” He nodded towards the bartender, raising an eyebrow. Gorgeous redhead. I got the hint
And went to see what the club had to offer.

Women all shapes all sizes, lovely, lovely God’s gift to man, I’ve never been very
Comfortable with that statement. Sounds a bit objectifying, is that a word, well when it came down to it, I adored the wretched lovely creatures, and when your with the right one at the right time, it could be like Christmas every day, and there was nothing so pleasing as unwrapping a gift.
Nothing so embarrassing as slurring an entire sentence of incoherency to a beautiful blonde and getting the ‘your kidding, right?’ look. Christmas isn’t coming tonight.
How did I get so drunk so fast? Wheeeee! God is my bartender. Where is God anyway.
“He, is dancing”
I turned it was Mike. Holding a waitress who was holding a tray full of drinks, and a
Large portion of butterfly shrimp on ice.
“I love shrimp” he said nodding towards the dancefloor.
I looked and saw God dancing, dancing violently, a woman on every side, His body
Jerked as if He was being electrically shocked at random, it seemed to have nothing to do with whatever was playing. I looked at Mike who rolled his eyes and said.
“you would think He would be a better dancer, huh?’
The shrimp disappeared quickly, the drinking continued. A woman came up and sat on Mikes lap.
“Michael” she purred pouty lipped. “yum yum “ or something or other in his ear.
Laughing, he graciously pushed her of his lap saying “later on” She smiled an walked off.
“so whats your story, Mike?
“my story?”
“yea , you know always giggling, you guys seem pretty tight, whats your relationship to God?”
“relationship?”
“yea”
“he doesn’t understand your question.”
“what? Oh, hey God, what do you mean?”
“he doesn’t understand your question, do we have to do this, I thought you’d be more fun,geeze, look at all the betty here, and you all why, and whats this mean, whys the grass green God, why is there suffering, why doesn’t he understand?!
‘Alright , alright.’
‘alright yourself,geeze, just chill, ok proper introduction, St Michael The Archangel, little monkey,little monkey, St Michael The Archangel, happy?
“The reason Mike doesn’t understand your question is because it is a human question. As usual its dim, cute and dim, you see there isn’t any separation between Mike and Me, no division, no line that can be drawn between. You can’t give a newborn shit for crapping its own pants, so I suppose I could be more compassionate. What I AM saying is the closer you are to God, um Me, whatever, the less division there is between here and there, I mean there is less here and there and more just here, granted you have a long way to go, but the longer you go well, you’ll get it , usually its on the ‘deathbed’ but some get there before then, couples who have been together for a good while and always seem to know what the other is thinking? You know what I mean, that’s a tiny example
of what its like x a billion. The trouble with monkeys is you discuss to many damn things, and in the process you create more and more distinct borders, cubbyholes of thought, file this here that here, do this that way, that this way and before you know it your surrounded by red tape and semantics..”
me, nervously, knowing damn well I shouldn’t “but traditions, rituals, handed down for thousands of ….
“YEARS!?
Meekishly “sorry?”
“SORRY?!? DO NOT apologize to me for being human, not to ME! I find (burp) that insulting, and I invented humility! Apologize to other humans all you want,
but don’t you blame me for your bullshit. FUCK! WHEN I THINK ABOUT…

At this point Mike broke in “HEY, hey we havin fun here ok, no, is good to be yes no? you both stopa this, yes? Hey DeeDee, six more yes, ok? Ok. No no. Tuaca. No make that Tequila”
Tequila? We’re getting heated and he wants to switch from vodka to tequila?
“IT EXCITES the passions!”
“hey, heres ta pashion” I looked at God
“is ok. Monkeys are curious, I know.”
I looked at Mike, God was watching the stage curtains open.
“He’s ok, don you worry monkey, He Who IS can get cantankerous, after you know” He shrugged at the bar.
“Alcohol?” HE could drink anyone under the table.
“HE did not introduce you then?’
“what?”
“INTRODUCE!” he said over the music”To Mary”
“Mary?”
“Mary, the bartender”
“no,whats with Mary?”
“forgeddit, tell ya later.”

Groove Collective was great. Funk and supermodels lit the stage. The mood lifted
I ended up hooking up with the blonde who thought I was kidding earlier, but I don’t remember where I left her. Big club. We left.
“Where to?”I shlured
“play that one song” God Mumbled
“Les go AdamshMorgan,” one word “Cities, good club.”
Bjork and Radiohead once again opened THE GATES of Heaven.
God loves Bjork.
This land cruiser is fucking amazing. I can’t feel a thing. Nary a bumb in the road. I could turn on an exit doing ninety without a tilt.
The car was quiet. As far as I could tell, the super immortals could be communicating via cosmic channel for all I knew, ah to know everything. This car is very fast.
“Speed up”
God has Spoken.
I floored it.Damn ye gods, let loose the slobs of war.
Damn that was fast. I was coming of the exit onto New York avenue, slowing down to meet traffic when…
“speed up”
“FUCK YEA” I slammed it.
“close your eyes”
I closed my eyes, doing 60 on a curve coming into full traffic, I started opening my eyes.
“no”
eyes still closed I gripped the steering wheel horns. Honking. The sounds of the street passing in a fused static noise. Lights flashed across my closed lids, bright red, blue, screeching tires, a scream, Mike giggling. I started crying, laughing, crying and laughing, everybody I know in my head laughing crying ho ho don’t open your eyes.
Don’t don’t open your eyes your not here this aint you gravity works slams you down
People slow down on the highway to see whats left of you. It aint much. Just bits and pieces. History run! Push! Pussy! PUSH! PULL FAAAA!
“Here we are” Mike says calmly
Then there you are. Calm cool collected pants yellowed, every ancestor shaking their head disapprovingly.
“here we are where are we”
I am sober.
“EVERYBODY OUT!”
And there we go, a grand exodus from car to club, aside from The Eternal One Himself, St Michael the Archangel and my abashed self , there was Sandy, some kid from L.A. Matt, I think, and a pixie of a sprite of a girl a gurgiling gush of a girl whos name I missed. Mmm. Gods Gift. Almonds.
Once in God ordered a round and we all found a table. They brought us an extra chair. It was smaller. It was mine. It gave me a pleasant view of the Pixie.
“what could you not live without?” Spoke He. Passing drink. A loaf of bread with crab dip.
Was this a rhetorical question? Or did He mean Women or Liqour? Song? Poetry?
Or something sublime, keeping up with the rent and all utilities.
My tongue suddenly moved “Jesus Christ whats with Mary the Bartender?
The room went silent. Mabye it was just a skip in the music.
I woke up late for work.
Two hours.
I can’t remember a fucking thing.

Workworkwork.


The first time I visited the Empire State Building I was 12 mabye. With the family. I had information that led me to believe that you could jump off, and because of wind conditions, you could, possibly be blown to another building and get away with, well a broken leg or wrist, if you were really lucky.
Somewhere around before 15 or so Ricky Logwood watched me jump off a 30ft
Track and field viewing tower. Tuck and roll. I don’t remember it hurting.
Sometime around then, on the 4th or 5th time I jumped out of the 2nd story window, my bedroom, for kicks, my Father caught me.
“what are you doing”
“NOTHING. I said with one leg out the window.
At the beach house, in Maryland, I would climb out the third story balcony, 80ft
Above the ass’s fault, one apartment over to drop to the beach access.
Years later I found my parents knew I snuck to the beach, yet my Father doesn’t remember catching me almost jumping from the 2nd floor window.
“Close your eyes”
faith.

Love is easy. Tuck and roll.
Post Thu May 08, 2003 10:01 pm
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sequence



Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 2182
Location: www.anteuppdx.com
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You know what I hate? Retards talking about metaphysics. Jesus christ does that ever irritate me. Do they even know what it means? Good christ. The best thing about the term is where it actually came from....

Very brief history on the origin of the term metaphysics....

In ancient Greek, meta is the word for after. When a librarian in Rome was working through some of the 'transcripts' of Aristotle that had never been properly compiled by Aristotle himself, he happened upon a text which was a cohesive whole unlike the majority of the other texts he was dealing with. The problem was that the text was not given a name within the text at all, in fact the only information that was present within the text other than Aristotle's name and the actual writing was a date. It just so happened that although it was not popularized during Aristotle's life, however the date located it as having been written between the Physics, which Aristotle did name, and the Nicomachean Ethics, which was named as well. Thus the logical place to put the manuscript was in between those two on the shelf, as they organized books chronologically by author in those days. The result of this was that the text was placed after the Physics _on a book shelf_, and in the future was referred to by its location on the shelf, the book after the Physics, which in Greek makes it the Metaphysics. Thus I don't by calling anything metaphysics that doesn't contain the same sort of project that Aristotle was conducting in his text that has become known by that name.

A little philosophy-dork knowledge for all the heads. And, oh yeah, being an atheist takes much greater conviction than believing in God, it is much easier to believe than to not, and as I fancy myself a hardass, call me an atheist. Strangely enough though, I am completely obsessed with Christianity, especially St. Paul, what a nut!

Adam
Post Thu May 08, 2003 10:46 pm
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duke_city



Joined: 05 Jul 2002
Posts: 3208
Location: San Diego,CA
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maxamillion wrote:
I'm wondering if these christians (and the one jew) ever read back what they typed. Since they don't make a lot of sence, I understand what they're saying but damnnn, have you really given this a good thought???

I guess I'm also not a fan of living your life according to one book, guess what I got a book that says god doesn't excist. Do I believe that because some elder person told me "that's THE book". No just you read it, and take with you what interests you. And then go to the next book, seems a waste of time if your only sticking by one book (and that goes for all religions).

And if there is a god, he's one sick dude, (probably related to jerry springer)


Hold up there bro. You seem to be overlooking one incredible fact:
The bible is no ordinary book its the word of God in physical form. Authored by God via his inspiration to man.

How many other books you know like that?

To say that Christians are closed minded is true by definition. However this principle is often abused and handled with little grace on the part of Christians. It doesn't mean that we put our hands over our ears and open our mouths with condemnation for all conflicting ideas of theology. You don't convert people to Christianity by condemnation. Surely the Spanish Conquistadors taught us something? Whenever you judge somebody for their beliefs its both a hypocritical and ineffective way to operate as a Christian. A better way to go about your witnessing duties is to listen to the non-believers and share with them what Jesus has done and means to you in your own personal life. Anything beyond that is a waste of everybodys time.

Brian
Post Thu May 08, 2003 10:57 pm
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sequence



Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 2182
Location: www.anteuppdx.com
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I know a lot of other books that claim to be written by god. I met a guy on the street a couple months ago who had written a book, and since he thought he was Jesus, I guess that had to count. This argument is pointless, you know that line from the Oliver Hart, "like an argument between a god freak and an atheist, that goes the same way no matter where the conversation drifts", or something like that. If you actually think the bible which was put together by a bunch of dudes at least 75 years after the big JC kicked it, is divinely inspired, no argument I'm going to offer is going to change your mind.

However, I can drop some more knowledge...

On the Virgin Birth:

The original semitic term, which I unfortunately do not remember which was used to describe Mary in the original texts was a term which was used to describe the socio-economic or socio-legal status of a young, unmarried woman. When the bible was translated into Greek the word was mistakenly rendered as parthenos in ancient Greek which is the word for virginity, as the semitic term I am forgetting is one letter different from the semitic term for virgin, as unmarried and virgin were very comparable terms in those days, as women weren't the harlots they are today hussying themselves out every chance they get.

The point of this exercise, translation is a nasty bitch.

Adam
Post Thu May 08, 2003 11:09 pm
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mortalthoughts
LAME KID


Joined: 12 Dec 2002
Posts: 11616
Location: MI
im aware.....i have no life  Reply with quote  

i once went into a 'christian' chat room on winmx and asked them how they justify 'stealing' mp3s......


i got banned......
Post Fri May 09, 2003 12:33 am
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SneepSnopDotCom
COCKRING WRAITH


Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 3087
Location: Wisconsin
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Technically, you can do that to any christian on just about any subject. My ex-gfs mom was a hardcore catholic... she taught kindergaarten... I heard her talk about how the mexican children were "more stupid" than the other kids. I wanted to say "Do you think Jesus would think they were stupid 4 yr olds?" But, you know... I wanted to fuck her kid.
Post Fri May 09, 2003 12:57 am
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MessiahCarey



Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 10924
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dallasbboy wrote:
You seem to be overlooking one incredible fact:
The bible is no ordinary book its the word of God in physical form. Authored by God via his inspiration to man.


You must be using some strange definition of the word "fact" that I'm not aware of.

One that is the equivelant to "theory".

- Shane
Post Fri May 09, 2003 9:24 am
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duke_city



Joined: 05 Jul 2002
Posts: 3208
Location: San Diego,CA
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MessiahCarey wrote:
dallasbboy wrote:
You seem to be overlooking one incredible fact:
The bible is no ordinary book its the word of God in physical form. Authored by God via his inspiration to man.


You must be using some strange definition of the word "fact" that I'm not aware of.

One that is the equivelant to "theory".

- Shane


To me its a fact.

Brian
Post Fri May 09, 2003 9:40 am
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