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Ever sneeze so hard your scrotum hurts?
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Captiv8



Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 8547
Location: Third Coast
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Who was the Cock Wraith on here? This is the person we should be consulting.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 4:58 am
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zagadka
DARK PAST HAVER


Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 4932
Location: Hous of Gaga
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Grundles, the body's temple.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:44 am
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redball



Joined: 12 May 2006
Posts: 6871
Location: Northern New Jersey
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I have no opinion or new information about the perineum or many other topics in this thread. Instead, I have come to warn you about an unknown danger lurking within your body, and ask you to help me fight against this.

That danger is your tailbone.

The tailbone is a useless extension of your spine. It exists because there's not really an evolutionary advantage to getting rid of it, even though there is also no evolutionary advantage to having it. The only purpose this little spinal extension has is to cause you pain should you manage to break or bruise it.

This is the pain I suffer, right now.

You see, I made the mistake of wearing socks with no shoes whilst descending a set of carpeted stairs. Perhaps you've made this mistake before. I know that I have, but I also know better now. This is because on the last stair my foot slid frictionlessly off, sending my upper body straight down into the edge of the third stair up. My useless tailbone took the brunt of this impact, leaving me writhing on the ground, but not seemingly injured otherwise.

When your tailbone is injured as such there's not much they can do. It's not like they're going to put your butt in a cast. Instead you must simply exist and try to put as little pressure as possible on it while it heals.

This means you cannot sit without pain.

That might be fine and well for most, but my job is to sit. Sure they're paying me for what I type into a computer, but I must sit at that computer to accomplish this. I could convert to a standing desk, but that would require significant effort and expense on my part, or significant whining to my supervisors. Neither of which are really viable options. Instead I must sit leaning forward like a jackass. That is the viable option. Also, I must be in pain all day.

You should not think that this pain is purely from sitting, however. No, because any amount of gas or fecal matter in my colon pushes from the other side on my tailbone. This means that not only does having to shit or fart hurt, but also that my body reacts to this pressure by triggering the need to evacuate as often as possible. This has turned me into a gross shitting and fart machine. I cannot stop, for to stop is to incur pain, but I must stop lest I become the stinkiest guy in the whole New York City area. It also hurts to cough, sneeze, or move about.

There are no pleasant solutions.

We can, with enough patience, fix this for future generations. The power is within our hands. Here's my idea: Teach your kids that small tailbones are sexy. Tell them that when they're on their way to copulation and potential procreation, they should reach around and give that sucker a feel. If it's too long, they should be repulsed. Long tailbones, conversely, should be viewed as disgusting.

I apologize if this affects you, but you must be willing to sacrifice in the name of progress. We, as a species, should seek to better ourselves. We can do this by eliminating needless things that serve only to hurt us. The tailbone is one such thing.

Thanks for hearing me out on this. Now, go forth and prosper, but only if you have a short tailbone.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:54 am
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Captiv8



Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 8547
Location: Third Coast
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Captiv8 wrote:
Who was the Cock Wraith on here? This is the person we should be consulting.


Cock Ring Wraith = Sneeeb or whatever? I guess that's not an option then.

I have a solution to two of the issues posed in this thread, malignant tailbones and ejaculatory grundle-pushing. It actually stands to make a lot of money, so get in at the ground floor. It's basically a metal plate, with velvet padding on the inside to cushion your vital bits, that extends from testicles to tailbone. It lovingly cups your balls while simultaneously applying pressure to your grundle and applying a shield over your tailbone. Think of at as a personal armadillo bodyguard and sex slave for your nether regions. It will be called the Grundle Bundle. Tagline: Protecting your Manhood from Cock to Coccyx.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 11:32 am
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Szechwan



Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 587
Location: Vancouver Island
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I figure we should just treat the tailbone like a puppy's tail, or human foreskin. If it tailbone doesn't suit the owners/parents tastes for any reason under the sun- lop it.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 2:06 pm
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phataccino



Joined: 10 Jan 2004
Posts: 4772
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Plum Puddin' wrote:
tommi teardrop wrote:

Regarding the grundle: I've heard you can press against your grundle when you are about to come, and it will prevent you from ejaculating and allow you to keep going and come again later. Sounds like a lot of work to me though and I'm never aware enough to actually try it.

Someone give it a go and let me know how it works out.


"Hang on baby... uhh.. hang... hang on... quick quick quick!.. put your finger here!"

'What?'

"QUICKLY TOUCH IT!"

'uhm?'

"TOUCHHH ITTT!"



So that's the pose I've been searching for my whole life! And of course now that I finally find it, I'm too old and fat to make use of it.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 2:39 pm
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medicineman
HALFLING


Joined: 21 Apr 2007
Posts: 1393
Location: Iowa City
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Sage Francis wrote:
I don't know when this "taint" word started becoming so popular, but it's always been called a grundle where I'm from. Official internet diagnosis: There's a rumble in your grundle.


I believe this is regional, chiefly New England. Strikes me as Germanic, whereas "chode" seems likely to descend from the French "chaud", or "hot"; "Taint" is likely the result of an American Colloquial expression (Taint your butt and it taint your balls). Etyballogy.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 3:05 pm
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Charlie Foxtrot



Joined: 23 Jan 2008
Posts: 1379
Location: Rochester, NY
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tommi teardrop wrote:

Regarding the grundle: I've heard you can press against your grundle when you are about to come, and it will prevent you from ejaculating and allow you to keep going and come again later. Sounds like a lot of work to me though and I'm never aware enough to actually try it.



This sounds overly complicated. I usually just use a scorpion to clamp down on the base of my shaft.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 4:57 pm
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zagadka
DARK PAST HAVER


Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 4932
Location: Hous of Gaga
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medicineman wrote:
Sage Francis wrote:
I don't know when this "taint" word started becoming so popular, but it's always been called a grundle where I'm from. Official internet diagnosis: There's a rumble in your grundle.


I believe this is regional, chiefly New England. Strikes me as Germanic, whereas "chode" seems likely to descend from the French "chaud", or "hot"; "Taint" is likely the result of an American Colloquial expression (Taint your butt and it taint your balls). Etyballogy.


Before I heard the term "taint" and it stuck for whatever reason, chode was the only term I knew. And this was way, way back when I was in 8th grade.

.....My grandma has always, well, disliked me for whatever reason. Like, would purposely not give me a gift while all of the other grandkids were opening theirs on xmas, among other things (although my wedding shower gift pretty much tops it all).

One year, however, she DID get me a gift!! Oh, boy was I excited to finally be in on the fun! I got a gift! Yeah! Maybe this meant I was growing on her! I opened it and this gift was ....clearly a regift from one of her lame CCD kids. A dusty, faded box dressed in peach.

It was a gift set of cheap, gross, old lady perfume and I swear to god that it said "Chode" on the box. As in, that was the name of the fragrance. Of course, I kept it because who wouldn't want chode spray? An ungrateful, asshole kid. That's who.

When grandma gives you Chode perfume, you fucking keep that shit.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 6:02 pm
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Limbs



Joined: 04 Feb 2011
Posts: 903
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I agree grundles are an underutilized sex place. If anyone suggested that.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:29 pm
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Limbs



Joined: 04 Feb 2011
Posts: 903
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I fucked my tail bone up once too. So stupid.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:30 pm
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anomaly
Loserface


Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 2579
Location: DFW, TX
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This discussion reminded me of this unlucky bastard....
who looks like Chunk from The Goonies and sounds like Sam Kenison.



I'M BLEEDING OUT MY FUCKIN' BALLS!!!!
EAWWWW AAAHHHHHWWWWWW!!!!!
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:38 pm
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Plum Puddin'



Joined: 26 May 2008
Posts: 1829
Location: Run Ebola, Run.
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Redball, i understand you're angry.

You fell over & feel stupid... but you're taking out your anger at the one YOU hurt.

I know you think, "It can't be my fault, i've walked down stairs TENS of times in my life!"

So what do you do? You blame the one that you smashed bone first into a staircase.

Let me say it again, YOU HURT YOUR TAILBONE, YOUR TAILBONE DIDN'T HURT YOU.

You're like a bad TV movie step dad who beats his new wife coz her kid spilt ink on the new sofa.

"Why are you making me hurt you!?... I love you."
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:05 pm
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Plum Puddin'



Joined: 26 May 2008
Posts: 1829
Location: Run Ebola, Run.
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Personally, when it comes to tail bones, i'm for 'em.

I would support the evolution of the bone into a tail feather, then overtime, a Jaguar like tail that we could train to pick up glasses & snacks. Once humanity is in the post-apocalyptic nuclear wasteland we all know it will end up as, our fully formed scorpion stingers & dinosaur like spiked tails will clash together in fights that will determine who gets food materials & mating units.
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:14 pm
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Plum Puddin'



Joined: 26 May 2008
Posts: 1829
Location: Run Ebola, Run.
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That was a touching story, Zag.

my grundle tingled

zagadka wrote:

When grandma gives you Chode perfume, you fucking keep that shit.


What does it smell like though?
Post Wed Feb 27, 2013 11:04 pm
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