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Bob Harris



Joined: 21 Jul 2008
Posts: 122
Tell Your Best Puke Story.  Reply with quote  

Errbody's got at least one. And people's stories on this forum are always good.

Here's one of my favorites:

In college, I lived across the hall from this ill burn-out-type dude. Like, every night he slept on just the mattress of his bed, no sheets, pillows, etc. Straight mattress. That type of dude. He was actually mad nice, but his lifestyle was so depressing to me that I avoided him mostly.

I was smoking a butt with him one time and he was telling me he was turning over a new leaf, and was going to start actually going to class and doing his work. We found out we both had a 8:30AM class the next day and I told him I would come knock on his door in the morning on my way out to make sure he was up and ready to go.

So the next morning I go and knock on dude's door and he tells me to come in the room -- he's all chipper and ready to go, which I wasn't expecting, but he's also sitting with a big ass bong between his legs. He asks me if I want to hit it, and I tell him that it's mad early for me to be taking bong hits. So he's like, "Let me hit this and then we can head out together."

Anyway, he takes a HUGE hit out of this bong, and starts coughing -- not the normal weed-cough, but the embarrassing, eye-watering, you feel like you're dying weed cough -- and all of a sudden just pukes all over himself. Like, all over his lap, his legs, the floor, everything. Mad puke. It went from coughing to puking so fast it was crazy.

I just dipped and left him there covered in his own vomit. And on my way down the hallway I could hear him in his room going "Fuuuuuuuuck maaaaaaaaan. Awwwwww fuuuuuuuuuuck."

Probably a real low moment in his life, but every time I'm in a shitty mood I think about that story and it makes me laugh.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:53 pm
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jehu



Joined: 25 Aug 2002
Posts: 9310
Re: Tell Your Best Puke Story.  Reply with quote  

Bob Harris wrote:
Errbody's got at least one. And people's stories on this forum are always good.

Here's one of my favorites:

In college, I lived across the hall from this ill burn-out-type dude. Like, every night he slept on just the mattress of his bed, no sheets, pillows, etc. Straight mattress. That type of dude. He was actually mad nice, but his lifestyle was so depressing to me that I avoided him mostly.

I was smoking a butt with him one time and he was telling me he was turning over a new leaf, and was going to start actually going to class and doing his work. We found out we both had a 8:30AM class the next day and I told him I would come knock on his door in the morning on my way out to make sure he was up and ready to go.

So the next morning I go and knock on dude's door and he tells me to come in the room -- he's all chipper and ready to go, which I wasn't expecting, but he's also sitting with a big ass bong between his legs. He asks me if I want to hit it, and I tell him that it's mad early for me to be taking bong hits. So he's like, "Let me hit this and then we can head out together."

Anyway, he takes a HUGE hit out of this bong, and starts coughing -- not the normal weed-cough, but the embarrassing, eye-watering, you feel like you're dying weed cough -- and all of a sudden just pukes all over himself. Like, all over his lap, his legs, the floor, everything. Mad puke. It went from coughing to puking so fast it was crazy.

I just dipped and left him there covered in his own vomit. And on my way down the hallway I could hear him in his room going "Fuuuuuuuuck maaaaaaaaan. Awwwwww fuuuuuuuuuuck."

Probably a real low moment in his life, but every time I'm in a shitty mood I think about that story and it makes me laugh.


i want more stories from you bob. this is classic.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:12 pm
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Confidential



Joined: 23 Jan 2004
Posts: 2040
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I was around the age of 16, and I used to hang out on the weekends with my cosuin David, who lived in a nearby town. My grandmother lived in that same town, so I would go visit her on the weekends with the mens-rea of hanging out with my cousin so that we could drink or smoke pot. The town David lived in was rougher than mine, his he and most of his friends were juvenile delinquents, had dropped out of high school or were in gangs. But they loved to have a good time.

So on David's 16th birthday, his friends rented him a hotel room so that they could party. There were girls there- one kind of fine and her fat friend. And they had a video camera. So the fat friend of the fine young girl had too much too drink and was videotaped as she was throwing up in the bathtub of the hotel room. Suddenly, as she heaved, making that "ralph" sound, she let out a monstrous fart with heavy bass in it. Caught on tape. Also caught on tape was her friend's expression, as she looked up at the camera, puzzled for a split second, then grinning.

We watched that footage over and over and over again. It never seemed to get old, until one day, David's mom taped over it for some church function.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:17 pm
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remind



Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 2202
Location: NJ
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Hahahaha! I've come close to puking from bong rips a few times but was always able to regain composure.

One time, at my old job, I was sitting in my cube and this other dude was talking to this girl in her cube behind me. Talking about how he just inhaled all these drinks and all these cupcakes. Next thing I know, the girl screamed "oh my god!" and stood up and the guy is puking everywhere, in his seated position. She asked if he was ok and he starts shaking his head while he's still puking. It was at this point that I had to leave.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:22 pm
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Disharmony



Joined: 01 Jun 2003
Posts: 3024
Location: Buried in Minnesota dirt.
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I don't puke a lot, but I remember one particular incident from my childhood. My parents had recently purchased me a "Monsters in your pocket" set from K-mart. The set had about 20 little monsters in it. I removed them from the plastic and set the plastic protective covering next to my bed on a chair for some reason and threw the cardboard backing away. I guess I planned on putting them back in the plastic molding some day to hold on to them or something.

Anyway, that night out of nowhere I stood up out of bed and started to violently puke my guts out into this plastic covering. I remember I puked a lot because I practically filled the thing up to the rim. I went up to my parents room and told them I had thrown up. I remember my dad being shocked at how much I had puked as he took care of the mess.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:28 pm
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Confidential



Joined: 23 Jan 2004
Posts: 2040
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On a flight back from a brutal job interview, sick, hungover, mentally and physically exhausted, I puked so much as we landed that the other passengers had to pass me another vomit bag because i filled the first one to the brim.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:43 pm
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C.R.A.Z.Y



Joined: 18 Feb 2008
Posts: 2734
Location: Vote for me and i'll vote for you.
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one time when i broke up with my relationship in/w milwaukee, i sat with my brother @ his studio and we drank this giant bottle of old thompson vsop out of ornate shot glasses. the whole gallon or whatnot as the night progressed, we were also smoking weed and then our best friends stony and company called us up and was like yo come through so we did and then there was some guy doing drugs. snorting orange powder. im pretty anti drug but i had drank so much whiskey i just ran over and started tooting these giant lines of this guys drugs. everyone is yelling at me, things like " oh shit oh shit " and " that's not coke, it's meth" or something and i'm like " what?" then everyone starts yelling about how im on uppers and downers and alcohol and then i don't remember what happened after that for the rest of the night and no one wanted to tell me, and what they did say was insane. but i woke up the next morning in my boarding house room, on the 14th floor, and their was vomit dribbled back into my ears, in my mouth on my face, on the ceiling over my head when i woke up, like 9 goddamn feet or something, so then i sit up and the wall across from the bed like 14 ft away has a giant spot of vomit blast on it as well, about at the 8 or 9 foot mark.

i was like what the fuck happened last night and how come i'm still alive?
i'm still pretty mad at my friends in milwaukee about them not helping me or staying with me that night, i could have rockstar died. anyways after that i couldnt live in my boarding room anymore so i moved out two or three days later, because of the poltergeist stylee vomit stains in abnormally far reaching spots of the room ...

that was 8 years ago and i have changed my life around completely.
i still can't believe i am alive. i mean i wish i had pictures of the vomit spots on the wall and the ceiling and the footage of the room in relation to the bed so you could see how far and hard i vomited. if a splatter analyst analyzed it i bet you they would say it was astounding work.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:37 pm
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remind



Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 2202
Location: NJ
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Jesus. Best puke story, C. Not the worst.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:15 pm
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erich



Joined: 15 May 2005
Posts: 3048
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last new years eve i got drunk in milwaukee with the globetrotters. the next day, i grabbed a sandwich from the hotel lobby shop, which apparently was at least a day old. (obviously- it was new year's eve) anyway, between the funky sandwich and an above average hangover, i was in really rough shape. i don't remember where the bus was driving to, but i know it was an 11 hour ride and i was puking into a trash bag the entire time. we stopped at a rest area and i was doing alright holding down some french fries until just as we were getting back on the bus. i ran back into the bathroom, kicked open the door, projectile vomited all over the toilet without even stepping into the stall, then ran back to the bus, where i was almost fined for being late. then to top it off, the photographer sitting across the aisle took a bunch pictures of me in that condition.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:45 pm
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MYOWNCLICHE



Joined: 25 Jan 2004
Posts: 3886
Location: In side YOUR head
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Out partying late into the night four of us. I wasn't driving, we got pulled over and cop asked us if we had been drinking flashlight in each of our faces. I was sitting in the back and when he flashed his light on me...well lets just say I grabbed my purse and filled it up. After words I looked up at the officer and said "No, Sir"

Worst was visiting a good friend at her home who just had a baby a few days before (I was newly pregnant at the time) I stepped close to her to peer into the blanket she cradled in her arms and threw up. It's not true that all babies are beautiful.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 4:07 pm
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jehu



Joined: 25 Aug 2002
Posts: 9310
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MYOWNCLICHE wrote:
Out partying late into the night four of us. I wasn't driving, we got pulled over and cop asked us if we had been drinking flashlight in each of our faces. I was sitting in the back and when he flashed his light on me...well lets just say I grabbed my purse and filled it up. After words I looked up at the officer and said "No, Sir"

Worst was visiting a good friend at her home who just had a baby a few days before (I was newly pregnant at the time) I stepped close to her to peer into the blanket she cradled in her arms and threw up. It's not true that all babies are beautiful.


winner!

both stories are hilarious.

pattie ftw!
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 5:40 pm
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anomaly
Loserface


Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 2579
Location: DFW, TX
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Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:16 pm
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jakethesnake
guy who cried about wrestling being real


Joined: 03 Feb 2006
Posts: 6311
Location: airstrip one
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Huge graduation party at my parents house. Cleaned everything (including the carpets with a steam cleaner) for about 8 hours. They came home to puke down the cracks of their waterbed.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:49 pm
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Junny Concept



Joined: 19 Nov 2002
Posts: 284
Location: Columbus Ohio
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Junior year of college. One time I ate a bad pastrami and corned beef sandwich for lunch, and in the evening I had a bunch of this fancy peking duck pizza. About an hour after dinner my stomach was feeling rough...my thought was I ate too much. Go to sleep...wake up a few hours later, and my stomach is rolling over itself. I knew I had to throw up. I don't quite make it to the toilet and the first heave ends up in the bathtub...no biggie. I reposition in front of the toilet on my knees...and I start hurling really HARD. Like someone is pulling my ears backwards hard. I throw up so hard that I start shitting myself. I think "FUCK! I'm done barfing, I need to shit the rest of this out." While shitting on the toilet I barf all over the bathroom floor. In my still half asleep/freaking out/sick stooper I get back in front of the toilet to puke again, and while doing so I start shitting again, and it sprays on the bathroom wall. I go through one more round of this dumbness until I'm all empty. I wipe off, I throw away my clothes, my bathmats (while trying not to wake my roomates, although I woke one who heard me but didn't bother to get up to see the mess), and clean up the walls, tub, and floor. I dump the poo/vom bucket water outside, and take a shower. While in the shower I vom just a tad bit more. Sad and defeated I went back to sleep, and at nothing but crackers and juice for the next two days.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:59 pm
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Szechwan



Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 587
Location: Vancouver Island
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Food poisoning man.. nothing worse.

My friend and I got hit with that exact same scenario, but in a 6 bed hostel. Luckily I was shitting and puking separately, but in my pukey haze I took the garbage can in the bathroom back to bed. When my buddy woke up an hour later sick as hell, he was left to alternate juuuust like Junny Concept. Clothes were burned.

As for myself, my worst was probably a night in Portugal spent drinking vodka powerade and playing King's Cup (or Sociables, or Fuck You, depending where you're from) with a bunch of Australians. Fucking. Australians.

Everything after the game is a bit jumbled. At some point we decided to drag a 500lb vintage vinyl cabinet across the room just to find a plug. Even though we had no records, we needed to see if it worked. It didn't.

The next thing I remember is sprinting down the hall with a mouthful of vomit (post vodka shot) and making it to the toilet just in time. Unfortunately my momentum and an ill timed violent heave left me with a nicely chipped front tooth on the porcelain. My first foray into the world of foreign dentistry!

Fucking Australians.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:32 pm
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