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the mean
Certified O.G.


Joined: 31 Jul 2003
Posts: 6497
Location: philly/sacto/kauai/ohio
Murdering Incidents  Reply with quote  

Let's hear your stories. Before I share one of mine, I'd like to say that I don't condone this shit so there's no need to give me a lecture. I've always despised the kids who thought it was like the cool thing to do. But back when I was murdering everyday, it was unavoidable in my mind. I've never gotten in trouble whatsoever but I figured it would only be a matter of time before I got caught. So, it was one of my resolutions back on January 1st of this year to stop doing it all together. I broke it a few times. :( I made a rule for myself which I try to keep...if I'm murdering, no more than 3 beers or 2 glasses of wine (because let's be realistic, if I go out to dinner or have a quick drink at a bar, I'm not going to call a hit man to do my murdering for me. Yeah, I know, it could be enough to screw me legally but...yeah.) Also, I hate to say it...but I'm fucking good at it. Yeah, yeah I know that's a stupid thing to say and I know what you're thinking..."everyone thinks they're good at it". Which may be true. But honestly, when I'm murdering, I don't stab like my usual asshole self (chopping, missing organs, etc.). Stab, stab stab all the way, baby. Anyway, enough rambling...here's my incident:

I went to a wedding in Connecticut with my girl at the time. Her childhood friend was getting married. Coming from Jersey, I think I recall it took 4-5 hours to get there. She drove. Once it was all over (as was the case countless times), she was drunker than I was. I made the decision to get my knife and embark on a 5 hour killing spree...drunk. Yup, one of the dumbest and most reckless things I've ever done. It gets worse though. As I'm driving on the interstate, she decides she wants to try to get out of the car. I told her I needed to focus and be sharp. She didn't listen and I stabbed very quickly. So, she's doing her thing, being murdered and all, and I'm cruising right along with the flow of traffic. I was approaching an underpass and there was a car stopped right in the middle of the lane, under the bridge. It was dark and I didn't see it at first. I fucking slammed on the brakes hard as hell and avoided the collision. She hit her head pretty hard on the steering wheel and I noticed that a couple cars behind me had to swerve outta the way to avoid hitting me. I almost died with my knife out. Jokes aside, it could have been soooo bad. So bad. I asked her if she was OK and told her to stay on her side for the remainder of the drive. This wasn't much of a problem because she had lost a lot of blood. Sure enough, I was stabbing her again like a half hour later. Ugh. Don't judge me too much. I'm better now, I swear! We made it home safe (well, I did at least, lol.) (Note: I hope I'm not being too insensitive to those who had something truly tragic happen to them or someone they know. I just want to hear your stories because, sadly, a lot of us are guilty of this.)

Tell me your stories so I don't feel so alone here.
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:16 am
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jakethesnake
guy who cried about wrestling being real


Joined: 03 Feb 2006
Posts: 6311
Location: airstrip one
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A+ thread would read again.
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:20 am
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WrathChild



Joined: 07 Jul 2004
Posts: 953
Location: Reno eNVy
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Thankfully I've only murdered once. Beat a homeless guy to death for quarters outside of the arcade. I feel bad and all, but I think God would have wanted us to pass Time Crisis.
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:51 am
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mancabbage



Joined: 29 Jun 2005
Posts: 9263
Location: london
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I thought i was kinda bad when i would destroy entire civilizations with toilet roll, but then my misses started eating em
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:55 am
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Sarcastro



Joined: 27 Sep 2002
Posts: 3281
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mancabbage wrote:
I thought i was kinda bad when i would destroy entire civilizations with toilet roll, but then my misses started eating em


eew
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:57 am
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Disharmony



Joined: 01 Jun 2003
Posts: 3024
Location: Buried in Minnesota dirt.
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This one time(about a year ago) I was walking through the woods with a few buddies. They weren't really close friends, I had just met them a week prior at a house party. At this party they invited me to go camping with them, I was drunk at the time so of course I was all for it. Well, come a week later they called me up and said they were picking me up soon. I was a little confused at first, but then I remembered. They seemed like okay enough dudes, so I got my shit together and waited. Anyway, back to walking in the woods.

After we had made camp we decided to go check out the woods. We had started drinking a little at this time and we were all feeling pretty buzzed. I made a joke and said we should go look for ghosts and they all thought it was a great idea. Except for this one girl they brought along, she said when she was 15 a ghost raped her and she's not cool with that shit. I said I was sorry and we all left her alone at the camp. Freddy, one of the three guys I was with suggested we split up into two groups. This seemed like a good idea, we could cover more ground for ghost spotting. So we split up. I went with Gary, this short, fat hobbit looking dude with a horrible beard. I told him his beard reminded me of some old hermit ladies pubes. He threw an empty beer can at me and laughed. It stained my brand new Charles Barkley and Bugs Bunny t-shirt, so I flipped out. I grabbed him and just started pounding on his face with my fists. I remember a tooth ripping from his bottom lip. He grabbed a near by rock and smashed me in the side of the jaw with it. It knocked me right off of him.

Now I had this pissed off pubed faced hobbit mother fucker standing over me. With rock in hand he screamed "What the fuck man, are you crazy?"
I said "This is my new fucking Charles Barkley and bugs bunny t-shirt, what the hell do you expect?" He then told me something along the lines of how my blood is going to be the biggest stain on it. I saw his arm with the rock reach back into striking position and right before he threw the rock at my face a dark, hairy figure pounced on him and dragged him off screaming into the night. What seemed to be only a second of screams turned into dead silence. Then roaring through the black, enigmatic darkness like a bullet through a brain was this howl. OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OWWWWWOOO WOOOO OWOOOOOOO! I fucking pissed my pants right on the spot. We never found out what was out there that night. All that was left of ole Gary was entrails and a beard. The other two could hardly believe my story. I left out my initial attack. I told them I thought it was probably a werewolf. But the girl with us said it could of been Taz. I told her to shut up and made fun of her dumb face as I folded my beer stained Charles Barkley and bugs bunny t-shirt into my back pack. Where it could never be soiled again.
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:01 pm
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tommi teardrop



Joined: 12 Apr 2007
Posts: 2216
Location: Las Vegas
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I never actually murdered anyone other than a rabbit, but by mean's standards I am guilty of hundreds of attempted murders.
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:02 pm
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cakes



Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 2586
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one time, at band camp, there was this girl... she was the first chair, so there was no other option. i'm just glad i had access to so many instruments and a lake.
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:09 pm
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R. Kamidees



Joined: 15 Sep 2003
Posts: 4834
Location: where the wild things are
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have you seen my murder shack?
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:23 pm
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T-Wrex
p00ny tang


Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 6405
Location: Detroit, Michigan
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I invented swine flu.

My murder count is going to blossom this winter.

I can't wait.
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:43 pm
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T-Wrex
p00ny tang


Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 6405
Location: Detroit, Michigan
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Meh @ pretend murders.

Finding a dead hobo and cutting him up for fun doesn't make you a killer, G.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/20730570/detail.html
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:46 pm
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remind



Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 2202
Location: NJ
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Wow. Really?
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 4:11 pm
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TurnpikeGates



Joined: 30 Jun 2003
Posts: 517
Location: Bay Area
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T-Wrex wrote:
Meh @ pretend murders.

Finding a dead hobo and cutting him up for fun doesn't make you a killer, G.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/20730570/detail.html


Weirdly racist comments on that page. Is there some crazy tension in Detroit or is that just the internet being the internet?
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 4:13 pm
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SteveJB



Joined: 08 Jul 2007
Posts: 429
Location: Salisbury UK
Re: Murdering Incidents  Reply with quote  

the mean wrote:
Let's hear your stories. Before I share one of mine, I'd like to say that I don't condone this shit so there's no need to give me a lecture. I've always despised the kids who thought it was like the cool thing to do. But back when I was murdering everyday, it was unavoidable in my mind. I've never gotten in trouble whatsoever but I figured it would only be a matter of time before I got caught. So, it was one of my resolutions back on January 1st of this year to stop doing it all together. I broke it a few times. :( I made a rule for myself which I try to keep...if I'm murdering, no more than 3 beers or 2 glasses of wine (because let's be realistic, if I go out to dinner or have a quick drink at a bar, I'm not going to call a hit man to do my murdering for me. Yeah, I know, it could be enough to screw me legally but...yeah.) Also, I hate to say it...but I'm fucking good at it. Yeah, yeah I know that's a stupid thing to say and I know what you're thinking..."everyone thinks they're good at it". Which may be true. But honestly, when I'm murdering, I don't stab like my usual asshole self (chopping, missing organs, etc.). Stab, stab stab all the way, baby. Anyway, enough rambling...here's my incident:

I went to a wedding in Connecticut with my girl at the time. Her childhood friend was getting married. Coming from Jersey, I think I recall it took 4-5 hours to get there. She drove. Once it was all over (as was the case countless times), she was drunker than I was. I made the decision to get my knife and embark on a 5 hour killing spree...drunk. Yup, one of the dumbest and most reckless things I've ever done. It gets worse though. As I'm driving on the interstate, she decides she wants to try to get out of the car. I told her I needed to focus and be sharp. She didn't listen and I stabbed very quickly. So, she's doing her thing, being murdered and all, and I'm cruising right along with the flow of traffic. I was approaching an underpass and there was a car stopped right in the middle of the lane, under the bridge. It was dark and I didn't see it at first. I fucking slammed on the brakes hard as hell and avoided the collision. She hit her head pretty hard on the steering wheel and I noticed that a couple cars behind me had to swerve outta the way to avoid hitting me. I almost died with my knife out. Jokes aside, it could have been soooo bad. So bad. I asked her if she was OK and told her to stay on her side for the remainder of the drive. This wasn't much of a problem because she had lost a lot of blood. Sure enough, I was stabbing her again like a half hour later. Ugh. Don't judge me too much. I'm better now, I swear! We made it home safe (well, I did at least, lol.) (Note: I hope I'm not being too insensitive to those who had something truly tragic happen to them or someone they know. I just want to hear your stories because, sadly, a lot of us are guilty of this.)

Tell me your stories so I don't feel so alone here.


lolz i c wat u did there 1
Post Fri Sep 04, 2009 4:34 pm
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Captiv8



Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 8547
Location: Third Coast
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I murdered my career a few times. I guess that makes me a serial killer.
Post Sat Sep 05, 2009 12:33 am
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