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al(phonic)



Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 779
Location: maine
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i was really drunk one night and was having sex with this lady. must have been all the motion, i dont know because its never happened before or after, but i started that swallow/burp routine to try to surpress/deal with it. at this time we were doggy style. she heard me and was like "are you gon" BBBLLLLAAAAAH! all over her back and bed. i rolled over and passed out. i imagine she was plotting to kill me! it was an awkward time as she gave me a ride home in the a.m.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:47 pm
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Plum Puddin'



Joined: 26 May 2008
Posts: 1833
Location: Run Ebola, Run.
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Don't feel bad Szechwan.
A typical Australian mothers breast milk is 80% proof.
Born by beer, raised by rum.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:00 pm
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selfworth



Joined: 07 Jun 2004
Posts: 1109
Location: maryland
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i was 19, at the beach with a bunch of buddies. we were staying at a holiday inn that the walkways were on the outside of the building. well, we went to this party and 4 of us drank like a gallon of so co and smoked a whole bunch of weed. we were all super fucked up. some of us decided to stop at this sub shop to get some food. none of us had eaten since a lot earlier in the day, so we were mad hungry. we all ate a whole sub and fries. then, we decided to go back to the room, but when we got there some of our buddies had hooked up with some girls and left us out. we felt like there wasn't anything to do but just try to sleep out in the hallway, which like i had said, was outside. i laid down for about a half hour on the floor and then the world started spinning. i crawled over to the railing and stuck my head through the rails and let it go, but my food had barely digested so when it came out it was still fairly solid. i swear it looked like a loaf coming out (it was about as round as a coke can and about a footlong). i remember it hurting so bad when it was coming out. it was like a play doh fun factory. when it all came it, it just plopped on the hood of this car in the parking lot.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:02 pm
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zagadka
DARK PAST HAVER


Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 4932
Location: Hous of Gaga
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My story feels lame compared to these. First of all let me preface by saying that I was and still am a total lightweight. I don't drink much. I don't like being drunk. I definitely HATE barfing and this story is the reason why...

I was 18 and in a shitty relationship with this boy who was a cokehead and was a total asshole dick to me, but like most silly girls at that age I still dated him and made up all kinds of excuses for his behavior. Anyway, my best friend's boyfriend's parents at the time had a summer property on the beach at Lake Michigan...only there was no house...just a beach. And we decided we were going to throw a really cool beach party. Like "I'll show that boy I can have fun without him and its going to be AWESOME!"

In my head it was going to look totally badass... candles everywhere since we had no light, I brought a huge tarp to make a make-shift potty room complete with sand piss pit... only it didn't end up that way. We did make a piss pit though.

So we all set up our tents on the beach and started drinking. I drank Mike's Hard Lemonade all night... so gross. The night was a blur and I only remember the following..... wading into the lake fully clothed to pee, getting cold and covering myself up to my neck in a "sand blanket" and yelling "Leave me alone! I'm in my sand blanket!", someone lifting me over their head and violently spinning me around and me yelling frantically "No, no stop I'm gunna puke"....I WISH the story ended with me puking there, because I almost did, that would be cooler, but I didn't. I just ended up going to sleep.

I woke up at probably 5am when the sun was just coming over the water, it was bright enough to induce migraine and I crawled out of the tent to violently barf up neon yellow foam. It just wouldn't stop. Then I chugged a bunch of water and projectiled that.I couldn't keep anything down, I was covered in sand, it was oppressively hot outside already which made me vomit more.

I got home all hung over and my dad was asking me where his tarp was. I was just too lazy and hung over to take it up that freaking hill to the car. He was pissed.

The End.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:06 pm
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leifkolt



Joined: 01 May 2009
Posts: 293
Location: Where good people go to die.
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anomaly wrote:



I feel like this is a great metaphor for the music industry.... get learned.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:15 pm
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anomaly
Loserface


Joined: 22 May 2008
Posts: 2581
Location: DFW, TX
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definately so for mainstream music aka radio
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:43 pm
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laurapalmer



Joined: 10 Jul 2002
Posts: 1474
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I was flying the last leg of a trip back to philadelphia with my 18 month old daughter and wife. We had managed to stay together for most of the trip, to have maximum baby on plane coverage, so no one was stuck next to a screaming or unhappy kid. shit was smooth as silk on the trip out, on the trip back the first leg of the flight was fine.

on the second leg, we were rushed due to a delay and they wouldn't seat us together on the flight, they also were trying to get us to not fly back on that flight, and catch a flight at 1 in the morning. So, anyway, they wouldn't seat us together. More dumb, they put me in first class. As we get the prepare for landing announcement over the loudspeaker, i hear a collective gasp/scream from the back of the plane. Slowly word comes back to the front that some kid is in the back throwing up on some poor bastard. I realize immediately that it had to be my kid, but they wouldn't let me go back and help, so i am stuck sitting up front waiting to find out what happens.

plane lands, people run from the back bowling over people in the front, total madhouse.

my wife and pukey kid come up next, and then a guy in scrubs with giant vomit stains all over him. guy is just laughing it all off and totally fine while all the passengers are saying terrible shit about my kid. turns out the guy was a pediatric resident at the children's hospital. Could not have been nicer about the whole thing.

As a bonus, my daughter was sick for two weeks, and had to go to the hospital for fluids because she got dehydrated from the puking.

there you go, my sitcom style puke story that happened in the phl.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:48 pm
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Bob_ptmfus



Joined: 11 Jan 2007
Posts: 743
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This is a third-hand story that happened to someone my brother's roommate knows but it's worth sharing. He is either tailgating for our college's big football game or is at the game and is hitting the bottle hard. Soon, he realizes he's gotta puke but he's in an area filled with people and can't move. He looks left for an escape, then looks right, and then he decides his best option

He pulls his collar forward and pukes right down his shirt. I can't think of a worse idea.
Post Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:58 pm
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adic



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 727
Location: SJC
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19 years old, just finished my associates and got a dope job at a high profile tech company... By far the youngest guy in the company...

Me and my girl attend the company Christmas party a few months after I get hired. Open bar... Underage but nobody questioning it with this crowd... We take advantage and get whatever drinks we want... Met some cool folks at the table... They encourage the drinkin... My girl ends up drinking way too much... They invite us over to hang out after the party...

On the drive over to their place I start to smell something nasty. I look over and my girl's in the passenger seat passed out, puke all over the front of her and all over the car...

We get to their house... she's semi conherent and insists I go in and hang out for a while... I ended up going in and hanging out with the new work peeps for about an hour and then we finally went home... I woke up the next day and she had somehow already cleaned the car spotless...
Post Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:02 am
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adic



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 727
Location: SJC
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I call this one... "Sucks to be a Janitor"

In fifth grade, I moved to a new area. All the kids in the area rode BMX bikes and had these massive bike jump ramps they'd do tricks on...

Me being the new kid in town, and thinking I had BMX skills of my own. I decided to take a shot at one of these huge bike jumps...

I don't really remember much after the first peddle of my bike, by apparently I went off the ramp and straight face planted... I woke up on the couch with a rag on my face and my mom freakin out..

We went to the emergency room to get it checked out... While waiting, I felt like I was about to get sick...

I ran to the bathroom, but was a second or two late... I puked up straight blood all over the bathroom, inches before actually hitting the toilet...

Moments after that happend, with the bathroom door still open, I see the Janitor look in... with the look on his face like I just fucked up his day...
Post Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:15 am
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Rob-Raz



Joined: 20 Jul 2010
Posts: 151
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
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Me and a couple buddies decide to hit a local dive bar for some cheap drinks. It just happens to be "Lingerie Night" and as we continue to drink, several unattractive girls walk through the bar modeling bras and panties while the DJ tries to auction them off.

Needless to say, what I like to call "stupid drinking" ensues. Shots of everything from the Top to the Bottom shelf. As the evening drags on and the "models" disappear, we all decide its time to hit the dance floor...if you can call a 10x10 linoleum section of an already too small bar a dance floor.

We begin to relive our breakdancing days...until I hear my knee pop mid-swipe. I limp over to a stool just in time to see one friend knee-spinning like a beast, vomiting from the mouth, looking like some disgusting water fountain. He vomits onto another friend who had just went into freeze mode after a backspin. Both of them bounce up and dash for the bathroom.

Calling it a night, as we head back to my apartment, my final friend takes his turn and trips up the cement steps to some nice road rash on his face and elbows.

We all decide the next morning that drinking and dancing just dont mix.
Post Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:57 am
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C.R.A.Z.Y



Joined: 18 Feb 2008
Posts: 2734
Location: Vote for me and i'll vote for you.
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remind, winning the long distance and height puke contest is a good thing. so to me it's my best ever good puke story. it's like poltergeist spewing pea soup scary awesome.
Post Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:46 am
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wesfau



Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 702
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I'm ashamed to say that even though it didn't happen to me, my best puke story is fairly recent.

I was flying to Vegas back in April with some friends. I flew into Atlanta to meet up with the crew and then we all hopped on the same flight from ATL to Vegas. Prior to boarding, my buddies had been sitting in the Delta Crown Room getting irresponsibly drunk (this group is all 35-40 year old "adults").

We board and one guy is in first class, I'm on the bulkhead right behind first class and the rest of our crew is about 20 rows behind me. About 30 minutes into a 4 hour flight, the smell of sewage permeates the cabin for a few minutes, then subsides. Three and a half hours later we land in Vegas.

I get off the plane expecting to see Mark (1st class guy) already in the terminal. No dice. I wait and the guys in the back of the plane get off. Still no Mark. Finally Mark comes bouncing out of the jetway...all smiles...with some dark goo staining the left side of his shirt.

His story: I got on the plane before you guys and immediately passed out. Woke up about 30 minutes into the flight feeling woozy and needing to pee. Walk to the first class lav, sign says "vacant", so I throw the door open. And there she is. Beautiful stewardess...taking a dump. It smelled like she was shitting a dead cat. The smell hit me, disagreed with my delicate stomach, and I puked all over her. Then she screamed. The scream startled me and I puked all over myself. Then I didn't know what to do, so I went back to my seat and offended the nice lady next to me for the next 3 and a half hours with my vomit smelling clothes. I was late getting off the plane because I was hunting for the stew to give her $20 for her dry cleaning.

I can corroborate the smell in the cabin at 30 mins in, but I never heard a scream. It is, however, still a story that I get some mileage out of. [/i]
Post Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:26 am
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IAmNiki



Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 1605
Location: North Smithfield, RI
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I was 8 or 9 years old, and my parents/aunts/uncles had rented a big soccer mom van to drive 4 hours or something to upstate New York.

I just remember eating Cheetos and drinking Brisk ice tea in the back of the van (big mistake) and feeling nauseated, so i was happy when they pulled over at a McDonalds. They parked the van and I looked down and realized that the ice tea I had been drinking was expired by a few months. I don't know how I didn't taste it. I guess it really upset my stomach even more, and I remember bolting out of the van, running through the parking lot with my hand over my mouth, trying to make it inside so i can puke in the bathrooms instead of in the middle of the parking lot. Well, in my urgency I wasn't paying attention to where i was going i guess, and i ended up throwing up an ocean of bright orange puke RIGHT IN FRONT of the drive-through window. There was even someone there, picking up my food, watching me hurl Cheeto and ice tea all over the place, like 3 feet in front of their car.

Then another time I remember being a freshman in high school, and I was going on a ski trip with my class or something. My dad went with my friend and I, so we picked her up in the morning to go to the bus terminal. I have no idea why, but she said she got 'nervous' in the car on the way to the bus terminal and puked in the car. When she leaned forward to do it, she ended up puking DIRECTLY into a pair of shoes my dad's girlfriend had left on the floor back there. I remember getting to the train station and my dad was literally turning the shoes upside down, pouring out the puke. I didn't mind too much because I hated his girlfriend, but I forced my friend to sit with someone else on the bus in case she decided to puke again.
Post Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:03 pm
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icarus502
kung-pwn master


Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 11291
Location: ann arbor
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To everyone:

[IMG=http://img823.imageshack.us/img823/7401/xb9yt0jpg.th.gif][/IMG]

(I haven't puked in probably 20 years. The End.)
Post Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:08 pm
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