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an email that was forwarded to me. Court room comments
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Sage Francis
Self Fighteous


Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21492
an email that was forwarded to me. Court room comments  Reply with quote  

These are things people actually said in court, word for
>word, taken down and now published by court reporters who
>had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
>actually taking place:
>
>Q: What is your date of birth?
>A: July fifteenth.
>Q: What year?
>A: Every year.
>
>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>A: I forget.
>Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that
>you've forgotten?
>
>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>A: Forty-five years.
>
>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
>woke that morning?
>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>Q: And why did that upset you?
>A: My name is Susan.
>
>Q: And where was the location of the accident?
>A: Approximately milepost 499.
>Q: And where is milepost 499?
>A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
>
>Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
>A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
>
>Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
>A: After the accident?
>Q: Before the accident.
>A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
>
>Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>voodoo or the occult?
>A: We both do.
>Q: Voodoo?
>A: We do.
>Q: You do?
>A: Yes, voodoo.
>
>Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red
>and blue lights flashing?
>A: Yes.
>Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
>A: Yes, sir.
>Q: What did she say?
>A: What disco am I at?
>
>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
>Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
>
>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
>Q: She had three children, right?
>A: Yes.
>Q: How many were boys?
>A: None.
>Q: Were there any girls?
>
>Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
>
>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>A: By death.
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
>people?
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you
>go to?
>A: Oral.
>
>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
>an autopsy.
>
>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
>for a pulse?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>A: No.
>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
>you began the autopsy?
>A: No.
>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>practicing law somewhere.
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 2:27 pm
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xo



Joined: 19 Nov 2002
Posts: 120
 Reply with quote  

my favorite.....
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>A: Oral.
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 2:37 pm
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ihaveagluegun



Joined: 14 Oct 2002
Posts: 907
Location: Austin, Tx
 Reply with quote  


Quote:

>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
>an autopsy.


i thought that was the funniest, Sarcasm is too much fun
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 2:51 pm
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Ryan



Joined: 27 Sep 2002
Posts: 739
Location: Presque Isle, Maine
 Reply with quote  

that doesn't make me feel very good about my march 19th court date..
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 4:40 pm
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weedy420
Guest




 Reply with quote  

i hear ya man, i got one on the 18th
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 4:57 pm
 
Fladlien



Joined: 09 Jul 2002
Posts: 782
Location: Iowa
 Reply with quote  

One of the Lawyers that defended Charles Manson was a master at obstruction tactics. One time when someone on the stand stated their name he objected on grounds of hearsay. Why you ask? His reasoning was that he first had to have heard the name from his mother.
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 5:20 pm
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ihaveagluegun



Joined: 14 Oct 2002
Posts: 907
Location: Austin, Tx
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Damn...haha
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 5:24 pm
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ouzelum



Joined: 06 Mar 2003
Posts: 14
 Reply with quote  

apparently pathologists have pretty good senses of humor.
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 6:08 pm
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argot



Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 958
Location: rhode island
haaaaa  Reply with quote  

classic
Post Tue Mar 11, 2003 6:16 pm
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Jimmie Ooombar



Joined: 09 Jul 2002
Posts: 413
Location: Denver.
Re: an email that was forwarded to me. Court room comments  Reply with quote  

Sage Francis wrote:
>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

HOLLA!
Post Wed Mar 12, 2003 12:43 am
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UncleSylis



Joined: 03 Mar 2003
Posts: 128
Location: Philly
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Hahaha. I got both of the books these are from (Disorder In The Court and another with a similar name.) Good stuff.
Post Wed Mar 12, 2003 2:11 am
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Jesse



Joined: 02 Jul 2002
Posts: 6166
Location: privileged homeless
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yeah, you know who said all that stuff?

Steve Albini.

Just a second everyone, I'll e-mail you some winning lottery numbers. Any old shit you can make up turns true when it's on the internet. You'll be rich!

some of them are funny. some of them are unlikely old jokes.
Post Wed Mar 12, 2003 6:29 am
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Sage Francis
Self Fighteous


Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21492
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Jesse,
do you really think that didn't cross EVERYONE'S mind when reading this? I mean...that cynicism is a pre-requisit of reading anything online....or in the newspaper.
Post Wed Mar 12, 2003 8:18 am
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ihaveagluegun



Joined: 14 Oct 2002
Posts: 907
Location: Austin, Tx
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Sage Francis wrote:
Jesse,
do you really think that didn't cross EVERYONE'S mind when reading this? I mean...that cynicism is a pre-requisit of reading anything online....or in the newspaper.


or at school.....
Post Wed Mar 12, 2003 2:03 pm
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