I wanted to make this interesting so I am writing about my tour the best way I know how…like a rap verse. Enjoy:
The night before June fourteenth
Pilks and I practiced our tour routine til 3 in the morning (echoing “3 in the mornin!”)
I had Geoffrey press the MPC during my set see
while I try to impress with intellect as an emcee
With 4 hours of sleep we bounced to our feet
Sandrine picked up the rental car and turned down a jeep (No upgrade neccessary)
A Ford B.O., that reeked of a B.O. so violent
So saturated and seeped in the seats, air fresheners couldn’t hide it
Mork. (It was also sittin on 2 Larry Davids, meaning the tires were balding)
We kept the windows opened and pinched our noses
Drove to the Lemon Grove hoping it would cure the B.O. of its odors
Met up with MC Homeless who set up the show for us
Ate dinner and waited, as the patrons began to show up
Good crowd good sound, then the roof got brung down
On the stunts and drunks when we set it off in Youngstown
I rapped on stage for the non-smokers
then opened up a window and rapped out of that for the smokers puffin butts
Real hip hop is over where…..
Peace to Homeless running red lights while we were following
To get to Bakers place so we could stay at his apartment
Peace to my man with the fur Kangol, but not to the boyband at the end
and the Lemon Grove owner.
Crashed at Baker’s, respect.
Homeless and Baker took us out for cheap sushi, respect.
Then they took us to an amazing park in Youngstown with creepy sexual statues, spect.
Off to Pittsburgh, to spit words, we’re watchin out for Lizzzurds
Got to the spot, the doors were locked and the sound guy was dizzzturbed
He was a mixture of Woody Allen and Misterrrr Yankovic
and wouldn’t let us in, til I dropped some Strange Famous shit
He was strange, not famous, and I liked that about him
Nirvana slept on his couch, word? no doubt, I kinda like that about him
Hip-hop still ain’t dead, except for kangol hats and shell toes
Not one person at the Pitt show had on “black and yellow, black and yellow…”
Cuz only 15 people showed up, but it didn’t slow us up
Fortified Phenix was dope, Fuck the koala bear openers
Sorry, saw Sami (Sah-me) and his truck
Got something to eat and Geoff got morked like the rest of us.
Worst customer service ever on the face of the Earth is
definitely in Pittsburgh at this place that serves burgers
“Do you order the hotdogs over here?” “What do you think?”
Off to Indiana, headed west then south
we had Thursday off and we stayed at a friends house
We ate lunch outside of Walmart on the grass
in Indiana Indie rappers eating tuna while consumers pass
Pilks was souped but learned the ugly truth
The hard way when he got burned with the dry fruit (Fruit from Walmart is no good homie!)
June sixteenth, my birthday was on that Thursday
And we sipped Hefenweizen when we were thirstayy
Mini-golf at Ben and Ari’s, I lost
By 4 strokes, but I still been feeling IRIEEE!
Thank you again Irina.
We were on the highway Friday….Rebecca Black
Driving in the B.O., better get the Axe
Speed stick, aerosol or Right Guard
Raid, pesticides trying to kill that shit tonight hard.
Peace to the wall flowers in Bloomington
Not enough people in the crowd to fill the room again.
About twenty, but still hungry
Had everyone in the place saying “Gimme my money”.
Plus my lady rapped and we had a party
Made Anti-Swag, the Anti-Gnarly
Enter Cas One, late as usual
Puffin butts, not beautiful
Thank you Rhino’s we made the best of it
Good sound, good crowd, we Reggie Miller’d it (I’m looking at you Spike)
Next day, Minneap, not Minne-ha ha
I paid for gas with a twenty dolla
But the shit was counterfeit, they almost called the feds
I smoothed it over excellent…Bill and Ted
So yeah, somewhere along the way we were paid with a counterfeit $20 bill.
Thanks. Just another hurdle making fountains outta hose spill
Mountains outta molehills
Mountains outta dirty clothes built
Now where was I…
Hip-Hop Against Homophobia, in Minnesota
Big Pro is sayin uhhh like no limit soldiers
I said the word slut, some people were offended
It wasn’t directed at them nor wasn’t my intention
So, I took off my shoes and rapped artist goes pop
in my socks, got that shit on video for hip hop
Thanks again to Guante
on this journey like Dante
Harry Be la Fonte
burned the shit down like Pompeii
Pete, Big Cats and Truth Be Told
Took me, Cas, Pilks and S into their studio
Shit was fresh.
A lot of people got dissed and some shit got vetoed
I found a dope record when I dug inside of Cheapo
Ate the french toast…what
no donut, no po po stuff
pro keeps a low pro but
Went inside of 5th Element never been in it
checked for the hell of it, for my cd, they were selling it
I found in the discount bin, park benching it
It all came full circle starting where I ended it
I was hoping we could catch Kevin Beechum but didn’t see him
We rocked the Cause Sound Bar like it was a coliseum
Laura, what up
Big Cats’ fiance, what up
People that didn’t come, where were ya?
No love, so what, get the nuts
So dont say what up, just keep it shut….aiiiight
Cas was going to knock someone out across the street after the show because he thought I was getting into a fight. He ran across the street like Macho Man coming to Hulk Hogan’s rescue when they were boys. I wasn’t involved in the fight though and I wasn’t even across the street Cas, but I appreciate it.
Show ended, then we drove Sandrine to the MN airport and
Headed to Chicago, ate lunch with the Reanimators
Good people, heard some heat that Reanimator has that I’m gonna snatch up.
Thank you guys for your hospitality. You’re awesome.
Headed to Evansville to drop Cas off, laughed my ass off
Roberto, smoke stacks and smack talk
More winmills, road kill
Shish kabob bacon
Jackie, dope stop animation
I tried to shower, theres was no soap
I tried to cleanse, there was no hope
Just dog shampoo so I went for broke
Pilks almost had a problem…it stayed a float
No flush, jiggle the handle
Don’t touch, had to plunge to wiggle the man poop
June 21st and then there were 2
Bone Lick or Bone Lake, we were told to visit
stuck in traffic for 3 hours, we both missed it
Trying get home we stopped at Max and Erma’s
Had waitress that was a stiff…taxidermist
Still gave her a tip…hope it served a purpose
Started driving through Penn, when nature Patty Hearst it
We drove through the illest thunderstorm that I’ve ever been in. Pilks got some footage of it. We couldn’t escape it because we were headed in the same direction of the storm. We drove until 3 am, stopped in the Poconos and got a room at a Comfort Inn where Pilks had to deal with 3 am hood politics…haha. What a term. Hood politics. Slept woke up. Drove the last leg home. We stopped at a vegan diner off of 95 in CT, which was refreshing. Very rarely can you find good food off of 95. Finally made it home. The Ford still reeked of the original B.O. and now of our B.O. You were a great car. Thanks to everyone who came out, performed, promoted and let us crash at their place. Big ups to Pilks, Cas and Sandrine for making the trip an interesting one. I’m sure there is stuff I missed, if someone remembers something please feel free to post it…but it has to be in a rap verse form.