Dreamt I arrived to do a show at a venue I’d never visited before.
I was working with this promoter for the first time, and immediately realized that he was some kind of high school drama teacher. But he was also a priest.
For religious reasons, but also to fill the void left by his presumably failed or abandoned acting career, he was insisting that I add a number of last minute local openers to the bill.
The opening acts included, but were not limited to:
* A physically violent autistic boy who was already onstage rehearsing some kind of Thanksgiving play with a little girl dressed as Pocahontas. I watched in slow motion as the boy had a wild seizure, grabbed the girl by her shoulders and began shaking her and gnashing his teeth in a kind of trance state.
I then watched several club staff tackle the boy and painstakingly pry him off the girl for a number of minutes. When it was finally over the boy was ushered past me in restraints, still rolling his eyes and chomping at the air.
The promoter said: “He does that from time to time, but he’ll be ready again by the time doors open.”
* A nun masturbating with a crucifix on a trapeze. I shit you not.
“Will she just hang there all night?”
“um yeah! we thought it would be nice if she could.”
At this point I start to feel out of control in the dream, and start complaining to the promoter. I start rambling angrily at him, trying to formulate the many reasons and ways I’m uncomfortable with these additions… Just then I notice, appearing from the backstage area:
* A slam poetry team
Here’s the funny part: the slam poetry team is the thing that makes me bolt for the door. I see like 10 of them stumbling onto the stage in matching cardigan sweaters, looking all lost and stupid like a family that can’t organize itself to take a Sears christmas picture.
I fly into a rage so suddenly that I almost fall down. I physically recoil from the stage as if a bomb had just gone off on it and pushed me backwards. I run/stumble out of the venue screaming:
“You’ve got to be kidding! This is too fucking much! No fucking way are we–”
And nearly run into a monkey in a costume riding on the back of a baby elephant. It was baby sized but it’s face looked like an old elephant. Maybe it was just a midget elephant.
“–OH GOOD OF COURSE A FUCKING ELEPHANT!” I push open the door and flood the venue with sunlight.
Happy Holidays to yuh.
I will have a big big announcement about some big big shows in the New Year.